You Are What You Celebrate

You Are What You Celebrate

By Yasmin Razack ~ limitlesswomen.ca

I was OVER love and finding true love the night of April, 7^th 2006.  I went out to party with my girlfriends with no desire to talk to any man; it was a night to forget about my past and move on with life. My mindset was life is amazing with or without a partner…but that night someone had a different plan.

To say I was in a horrible state emotionally was an understatement, my twin sister which some refer to as “my partner” was about to give birth to her first child and life as I knew it was about to change drastically for her; and I wanted to be right by her side. For everything.

Then it happened.

As a Trini we dance- HARD. There I was dancing like it was going out of style when a handsome young man  with a killer smile comes up to me and says, “…you look familiar, did you go to York? I think I know you!?”

“No…sorry. Don’t know you at all” And I continue to dance. But he was persistent. “Yes, I am sure of it…what is your name”

I admit, I was in such a bad space and not interested whatsoever so excuse the rudeness that followed, “ I have my Master’s and I am not interested in talking with any man who doesn’t share my education level- hope that doesn’t intimidate you…” I just wanted to get back to dancing.

“Ohh well I am graduating from my MBA, next year hope that doesn’t intimidate you!”

Ummm. I began to laugh and the night began. He was such a gentleman, asking if he could dance with me and we did.

All night.

At one point I thought I lost him and then miraculously we found each other in the massiveness of the downtown Toronto nightclub. What I felt that night was magical, I knew he was someone special even thought we didn’t talk much. Instead of giving him my number at his request I reverted to email and our first date was almost 2 months after that night.

The rest is history. I met Vim Thasan on April 7^th, 2006 and we eventually married on Aug 1, 2008. 9 months later our daughter Kamea was born and last May we had our son Khyam

I have never been happier.

I feel like I have truly met my match in life, someone who always supports me in everything I do.

He inspires me to be a better person every day, in all I do- just by being him.

I want to do more in life just so I can experience it with him.

I love how he lets me be me…and loves me for not only who I am but what I can be.

I always believe “You are what you celebrate” and today I celebrate our love and marriage of 4 years. Many people choose not to celebrate milestones, calling it ‘cheesy’ or the classic saying “we celebrate our love everyday”. My belief is that taking a moment of gratitude through celebrating allows for a ritual that only increases in value as you grow older.

When you celebrate, those celebrate around you. Your friends, family and most importantly your children will recognize the importance you place on your relationship. The more you show each other how much you appreciate and celebrate the fact your relationship has lasted "x" number of years, others around you will undoubtedly bring more value to it….strengthening your relationship even more for years to come.

You are what you celebrate. How have you celebrated your “Milestone’s of Love?”

Yasmin Razack is a Personal + Professional Life Coach who works with for women of diverse backgrounds to discover their limitless potential in all aspects of life. For more information please visit limitlesswomen.ca or email her at yrazack@gmail.com. 

What Men Notice + My Purple Nails

What Men Notice + My Purple Nails
By: Yasmin Razack ~ limitlesswomen.ca

So this past Saturday night my husband and I attended a wedding where we were called on stage with six other lucky couples to engage in an activity to win a prize. I was all for it, and my LEO personality wanted to win that prize no matter what. I waited for the instructions:

“We are going to play a game to test the husbands/boyfriends to see how much they pay attention to what their wives/girlfriends are wearing” The men were immediately turned away from us so they couldn’t see a thing.

Ohhhh no. We were couple number 5 out of 6 so I was able to gage the questions before the MC came to us:” What colour are your partner’s bracelets? Shoes? Earrings etc”. I knew immediately we were doomed, I just didn’t know how bad. I hid my hands underneath my sari because I KNEW my husband would NOT have a clue about my bracelets/rings etc.

The MC comes to me, takes my hands out from underneath my sari and asks Vim, “What colour are her nails…?” His answer, “ Ughhh red…no, no Purple!!” he said nervously.

I had a French Manicure. And never in my life have I had red or purple nails.

Which leads to my point. What do men REALLY notice on women? I often used to ask these questions and yes I heard answers related to body parts, good skin, hair and the rare occasion clothes or fashion.  But I often joke with my husband if I were to dye my hair ‘bright pink’ one day I think it would take a lot for him to even notice….why?

I am no expert in this field but as a woman who is somewhat obsessed with fashion and takes a lot of time, energy, thought and money into how I look at that moment I thought, “…he doesn’t even notice!! Why do I do it?”

Yes, there is the dialogue that you look good for yourself, and how you present yourself to the world is a reflection of how much you value yourself. I am not arguing these points, nor am I saying that looking good has no value to it because I believe that it does.

What I would like to say is as a Limitless Woman, for all the time we spend shopping, doing our nails, picking the right outfit, shoes and of course the mother of all things: worrying about our weight and what we are eating:

Who are we really doing it for? And what else could we be doing with our time and energy in our relationships to make it healthier, happier and everlasting?

Recently, the University of Virginia’s National Marriage Project studied the role of generosity in the marriages of 2,870 men and women and found that,

“While sexual intimacy, commitment and communication are important, the focus on generosity adds a new dimension to our understanding of marital success. Though this conclusion may seem fairly self-evident, it’s not always easy to be generous to a romantic partner”

Generosity was defined as “the virtue of giving good things to one’s spouse freely and abundantly” — like simply making them coffee in the morning.

In essence 50 % of couples that were more generous to each other were happier. It said “successful couples say or do at least five positive things for each negative interaction with their partner.” Not easy with full-time jobs, children, extended family responsibilities, friends, time for yourself…this list goes on.  

The article struck a chord with me because it is easy to think that everything is okay if your sexual intimacy is at a great level, your partner appears to be committed and you feel the communication is good- however your partner still may not be happy or could be happier.

So is this what men notice? Although I began this post about outer appearances and women’s somewhat obsession with it….It was at that moment in the wedding where, although I was embarrassed at my husbands response I still had a huge smile on my face and in my heart because I know what my husband notices about me because he tells me all the time and most of the time it has nothing to do with the way I look…

People can forget what you say and even what you do but they will always remember how you made them feel – Robin Sharma

So tell me, how are you generous to your partner?  What are some rituals/traditions you can share?

Yasmin Razack is a Personal + Professional Life Coach who works with for women of diverse backgrounds to discover their limitless potential in all aspects of life. For more information please visit limitlesswomen.ca or email her at yrazack@gmail.com. 

How to Survive the End of Maternity Leave, Returning to Work and Missing Your Kid(s)

How to Survive the End of Maternity Leave, Returning to Work and Missing Your Kid(s)

By: Yasmin Razack-limitlesswomen.ca

Before returning to work for the 2^nd time, I turned to Google to help me with the transition of returning to work as my heart ached with the thought of leaving my son while my stomach filled with anxiety returning to work after a full year being out of the loop.

Found nothing.

On Jul 16, 2012 marks 3 months since I have returned to work and for those mothers who have returned or other moms who have yet to return I wanted to share the following.

Make GOOD friends at work:

There is somewhat of a taboo in our culture “not to mix business with pleasure” and I fail to understand reasons why.  I make it a point to make friends at work for support and most of in order to make the workplace more enjoyable. This could not of helped me more in my transition. I was able to find out what was going on without being there and nothing prepared me for what happened on my first day back.

2 colleagues of mine who eventually became my GOOD friends over the past 2 years decided to decorate my new office in order to make me feel welcome. I came in to an office filled with my favourite colours: pink, white and black. Even my paper clips were white and pink! They even blew up a picture of my two kids that were wearing pink, white and black in the photo. It brought me to tears and my anxiety quickly transformed to warmth, excitement and of course joy to be back at work.

In the beginning of my transition I will admit to 2 (public) explosions where I broke down in tears in my GOOD friend’s respective offices- and was able to do so without judgment.

GOOD friends will cover for you when necessary, be there for you at work. make you laugh, make the time go by ‘quicker’ because being around them feels more like fun and less like work…J

Create informal MOMs Groups:

There are a handful of mom’s at the office I know I can go to if my child is sick, or I had a horrible night because one kid refused to sleep, don’t know what the #*$&@(*& to cook for dinner etc.

I

 will never forget sharing a story about my son who just wasn’t getting over his cough and only ONE person asked me, “Yasmin are you okay, you seem off…” Yes I was trying to hide it…I told her what was going on and she shared a story about her son who was ill but the doctors failed to treat him properly. She said she became more aggressive with her son’s doctors until he was given the proper treatment to fix his ailment.

It was all I needed.

I left early indicating I needed to take my son to the doctor and sure enough the doctor prescribed medication that made his cough disappear in 2 days. I know if it were not for this conversation I would not have gone.

Share your stories, share how you feel and seek out other moms that share your same values on motherhood and child raising.

Lose the Mommy Guilt

This is a hard one. I really felt it when my daughter was hospitalized at one years old for 6 days, hooked up to an IV because her body could not get rid of two horrible viruses: Influenza B + Rotovirus.

AND I was 6.5 pregnant at the time.

It was by far the worst experience I have ever gone through. Kamea looked lifeless, each day I would look over at her little body and ball my head off to anyone who would listen. It was beyond scary and in my heart of hearts I did not know what her fate was….

I questioned if going to work was worth it.

Did I push Kamea too much by sending her to daycare on days when I should of stayed home but didn’t?

Did I value work more than the health of my child?

As a mother, I began to think, “I should be at home- then she would of never got sick…”

Writing this brings me to tears because it was honestly how I felt and I thought having a full-time job is just WAY too much to handle as a mom and my kids needed me.

I was reading SecretDaughter by Somaya Gowda at the time and it really helped me understand and address my emotions. I highly recommend ALL moms to read it for various reasons, and for me it outlined that no matter what you do or what you choose to do your kids will love you. No more if you stay at home, and no less if you go to work.

According to various research, kids in daycare are better off socially and many doctors will tell you that even though they tend to get sick more often it does build up their immune system. Yes we all know this but it is so key to remember on the days you have this guilt. (Of course there are equal benefits of staying home as well!)

I decided to embrace my role as a working mother and once I did that the guilt became minimal-yes you will always feel some degree of guilt but to what degree you have control over.

Remembering that your kids are no better off with you at home will allow you to accept your decision to be a working mom more easy and ‘manage’ the guilt more effectively.

YOU ARE GOING TO MISS YOUR KIDS

I wrote this blog today because I hated leaving my son this morning who woke up looked over at me and said, “mama…” It melted my heart and I just didn’t want to leave him. Mondays are hard.

I accept the fact that I will miss my kids and cherish the time I have with them .However to get through the day I do the following:

• 1.    Take a 3 min break to browse through photos on my phone and maybe sneak in a video or two of the muchkins;)
• 2.   Think about their smell and their smile; knowing that I will be home in hours where I get to kiss them up to my heart’s desire always keeps me going
• 3.    I remember the value of social interaction, learning and development they are receiving at their fabulous daycare with their amazing teachers (Kamea often asks me to go back to school and I have a hard time getting her to leave!!!) 
• 4. I know it is healthy for both me and them to have some distance from each other. 
• 5. Me being at work acts a good role model for my children especially for my daughter. 
• 6. It allows me to cherish the time I have with them more because I know it is far more limited.

There is so much more to write but will end here…today I had a hard day because I just missed my son so much and I dedicate this post to him.

For all you working moms I hope this helps in some way, and on another note I would love to hear your stories and survival tips!

Yasmin Razack is a Personal + Professional Life Coach who works with for women of diverse backgrounds to discover their limitless potential in all aspects of life. For more information please visit limitlesswomen.ca or email her at yrazack@gmail.com. 

Top 10 Reasons Why Women Need Girls Nite

Top 10 Reasons

Why Women Need Girls Nite

By: Yasmin Razack ~ limitlesswomen.ca

I truly never realized the value and importance of Girls Nite’s until I got married. It was when I suffered a horrible break-up prior to me getting married, when I began to really REALLY lean on my girls and we made a conscious effort to have Girls Nite’s no matter what.

After I got married (and got pregnant on my wedding nite!) I made a conscious effort to maintain my girls nite once a week, which became really difficult once the baby was born. If I missed a week or heaven forbid 2 weeks my husband would say, “Your acting really off….you need to see Sonia and Eboni”. Not that I didn’t know it myself, but it was in these moments of feeling “off” that I realized the importance of my Girls Nites, especially after marriage and a baby. Then came the 2^nd child….

Have I maintained my Girls Nite? YES but I always want more, and they have become harder to maintain. I always say to my girls, “ I wish we were neighbours”. And then there are other girls that are part of my circle of friends I find an even harder time to squeeze in which makes my heart sad…

So I complied a Top 10 List of Why Girls Nite is Important to inspire women to maintain, build and most of all cherish their friendships by creating these valuable moments.

Top 10 Reasons

Why Women Need Girls Nite

10. You can tell everything that is on your mind to your girls without judgment:  I remember after my second child I did some CRAZY things to try and lose the weight and I told NO ONE but my girls who kept me check.  Couldn’t tell that to the husby….he woundn’t get it.

9. Laughter. Your girls can make you laugh no matter what. They don’t know the level of stress your job, kids, household duties, family drama etc etc are…GIRLS JUST WANNA HAVE FUN and one thing my girls and I do EVERY time we get together is LAUGH our a** off:)

8. Be Girls. We gossip about celebrity relationships like they are our best friends, talk about fashion with SUCH passion, show each other our latest purchases, do our nails together, share the new sexy lip gloss colour, decide collectively what our next haircut should look like. Click here for pic of Cameron Diaz I showed my friend Sonia for her latest do (which of course HAD to be supported by Eboni!)

7. Share Great Food and Great Wine. I remember after my first child we would take turns cooking and if I knew the night was NOT my night to cook I would be salivating ALL day to eat the food of Eboni and Soni. THEY WOULD THROW IT DOWN!! We ate like QUEEN’S!! Dania also introduced me to my new favourite wine J’Lhor which I highly recommend!

6.  You can cry. Yes, amongst the laughter there are tears and it just feels BETTER when you are around your girls crying. You get instant support and in the end you are armed with boatloads of advice to conquer that problem. Even if the advice is not what you want to hear, you gain a confidence to address your problem only your girls can give you.

5. Gratitude. Sometimes it is easy to get caught up in your own life, your own problems and at girls nite everyone shares what they are going through. I often shake my head after our girls nite asking myself ‘what do I need to complain about” because everyone has their battles. Sharing perspectives will always allows you to have a deeper sense of gratitude.

4. You can be yourself. We are all walking contradictions, and in our lives we have to be careful on how we act, what we say ESPECIALLY AS WOMEN. Those rules are out the window for girls nite, not only can you burp/fart, be as loud and obnoxious as you want and you can SAY/DO whatever your heart desires. Because it’s Girls Nite. For a sample of our sayings click here…UMMMMMM JOKING! AS IF I WOULD POST THAT!!!

3. The Front Row. Remember “Who is in Your Front Row?”. Your girls are your cheerleaders, they should be always cheering you on; your dreams, desires and goals in life. Sometimes you need that reminder that you are a rock star and being around my girls I know I always feel like one and that I can accomplish anything. And you can do the same for them!

2. Inspiration. At Girls Nite I get to hear and see how HARD my girls work at being fabulous at their jobs and in their lives and I think WOW. It is so inspiring to hear these stories and it motivates me to become better in my respective roles in life.

1.     ANTI-STRESS DRUG OF CHOICE. To sum it all up, the natural high I feel at Girls Nite gives me strength, happiness, joy and laughter erasing any stress I may feel at that moment. And it last.  It takes a lot for me to ‘come down’ from my high off Girls Nite and I treasure each one because of the lessons I take away each time….

****YOU CAN TALK AND most of all LEARN ABOUT SEX IN WAYS YOU NEVER THOUGHT YOU COULD!****

( I couldn’t rank this one….)

I feel truly blessed to have Girls Nite with different girls that have lasted over a span of 10 years ( BIG UP TO YORK GIRLS CREW!!) and some that have expanded to include other fabulous women.

So…when is your next Girls Nite?

Yasmin is a Personal and Professional Life Coach for Women who works with women to live their best life. For more information about Yasmin Razack, please visit limitlesswomen.ca or email her at yrazack@gmail.com