How to Survive the End of Maternity Leave, Returning to Work and Missing Your Kid(s)

How to Survive the End of Maternity Leave, Returning to Work and Missing Your Kid(s)

By: Yasmin Razack-limitlesswomen.ca

Before returning to work for the 2^nd time, I turned to Google to help me with the transition of returning to work as my heart ached with the thought of leaving my son while my stomach filled with anxiety returning to work after a full year being out of the loop.

Found nothing.

On Jul 16, 2012 marks 3 months since I have returned to work and for those mothers who have returned or other moms who have yet to return I wanted to share the following.

Make GOOD friends at work:

There is somewhat of a taboo in our culture “not to mix business with pleasure” and I fail to understand reasons why.  I make it a point to make friends at work for support and most of in order to make the workplace more enjoyable. This could not of helped me more in my transition. I was able to find out what was going on without being there and nothing prepared me for what happened on my first day back.

2 colleagues of mine who eventually became my GOOD friends over the past 2 years decided to decorate my new office in order to make me feel welcome. I came in to an office filled with my favourite colours: pink, white and black. Even my paper clips were white and pink! They even blew up a picture of my two kids that were wearing pink, white and black in the photo. It brought me to tears and my anxiety quickly transformed to warmth, excitement and of course joy to be back at work.

In the beginning of my transition I will admit to 2 (public) explosions where I broke down in tears in my GOOD friend’s respective offices- and was able to do so without judgment.

GOOD friends will cover for you when necessary, be there for you at work. make you laugh, make the time go by ‘quicker’ because being around them feels more like fun and less like work…J

Create informal MOMs Groups:

There are a handful of mom’s at the office I know I can go to if my child is sick, or I had a horrible night because one kid refused to sleep, don’t know what the #*$&@(*& to cook for dinner etc.

I

 will never forget sharing a story about my son who just wasn’t getting over his cough and only ONE person asked me, “Yasmin are you okay, you seem off…” Yes I was trying to hide it…I told her what was going on and she shared a story about her son who was ill but the doctors failed to treat him properly. She said she became more aggressive with her son’s doctors until he was given the proper treatment to fix his ailment.

It was all I needed.

I left early indicating I needed to take my son to the doctor and sure enough the doctor prescribed medication that made his cough disappear in 2 days. I know if it were not for this conversation I would not have gone.

Share your stories, share how you feel and seek out other moms that share your same values on motherhood and child raising.

Lose the Mommy Guilt

This is a hard one. I really felt it when my daughter was hospitalized at one years old for 6 days, hooked up to an IV because her body could not get rid of two horrible viruses: Influenza B + Rotovirus.

AND I was 6.5 pregnant at the time.

It was by far the worst experience I have ever gone through. Kamea looked lifeless, each day I would look over at her little body and ball my head off to anyone who would listen. It was beyond scary and in my heart of hearts I did not know what her fate was….

I questioned if going to work was worth it.

Did I push Kamea too much by sending her to daycare on days when I should of stayed home but didn’t?

Did I value work more than the health of my child?

As a mother, I began to think, “I should be at home- then she would of never got sick…”

Writing this brings me to tears because it was honestly how I felt and I thought having a full-time job is just WAY too much to handle as a mom and my kids needed me.

I was reading SecretDaughter by Somaya Gowda at the time and it really helped me understand and address my emotions. I highly recommend ALL moms to read it for various reasons, and for me it outlined that no matter what you do or what you choose to do your kids will love you. No more if you stay at home, and no less if you go to work.

According to various research, kids in daycare are better off socially and many doctors will tell you that even though they tend to get sick more often it does build up their immune system. Yes we all know this but it is so key to remember on the days you have this guilt. (Of course there are equal benefits of staying home as well!)

I decided to embrace my role as a working mother and once I did that the guilt became minimal-yes you will always feel some degree of guilt but to what degree you have control over.

Remembering that your kids are no better off with you at home will allow you to accept your decision to be a working mom more easy and ‘manage’ the guilt more effectively.

YOU ARE GOING TO MISS YOUR KIDS

I wrote this blog today because I hated leaving my son this morning who woke up looked over at me and said, “mama…” It melted my heart and I just didn’t want to leave him. Mondays are hard.

I accept the fact that I will miss my kids and cherish the time I have with them .However to get through the day I do the following:

• 1.    Take a 3 min break to browse through photos on my phone and maybe sneak in a video or two of the muchkins;)
• 2.   Think about their smell and their smile; knowing that I will be home in hours where I get to kiss them up to my heart’s desire always keeps me going
• 3.    I remember the value of social interaction, learning and development they are receiving at their fabulous daycare with their amazing teachers (Kamea often asks me to go back to school and I have a hard time getting her to leave!!!) 
• 4. I know it is healthy for both me and them to have some distance from each other. 
• 5. Me being at work acts a good role model for my children especially for my daughter. 
• 6. It allows me to cherish the time I have with them more because I know it is far more limited.

There is so much more to write but will end here…today I had a hard day because I just missed my son so much and I dedicate this post to him.

For all you working moms I hope this helps in some way, and on another note I would love to hear your stories and survival tips!

Yasmin Razack is a Personal + Professional Life Coach who works with for women of diverse backgrounds to discover their limitless potential in all aspects of life. For more information please visit limitlesswomen.ca or email her at yrazack@gmail.com.